


I need to free you

by dreamerbydawn



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Best big brother Lip, Bipolar! Ian, Caring Mickey, M/M, Scared Ian, Trigger warning - Suicide attempt, [Spring break draft clean up], caring Fiona
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:32:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3675819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerbydawn/pseuds/dreamerbydawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fiona, Lip and Mickey talk Ian out of being suicidal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I need to free you

 “Ian fucking drop it man, please” 

 Mickey didn’t care who heard him beg, he needed that knife away from Ian. 

 Fiona, Lip and Mickey were stood in the Gallagher kitchen, Ian in the corner across the room. They’d tried to take one step in his direction and he’d already sliced into his hand for it. 

 The red line following the trail of the blade had them freezing, all of them staring as blood started to trickle down against pale skin. 

 “Ian don’t do this, please don’t do this” Fiona begged, already crying. 

 Ian shook his head stubbornly, his face streaking with fat tears too; And standing there with the knife in his hand, he looked so scared. 

 “I can’t - I - I don’t want to die” He sobs quietly. 

 “And you don’t need to Ian. You don’t need to do this okay?” Lip takes another step forward, hesitating when the edge of the blade presses back into Ian’s skin. 

 “I do. It’s - it’s the only way you’ll be - I need to free you.” Ian insists, green eyes wide and begging for understanding. 

 “We know where this is going. You can’t take another Monica in your life. You don’t have to” The younger boy continues, voice shaking with the pain behind those words. 

 “We can. For you Ian, we can do it. We will do it. I don’t know a world without you fucking in it Ian, just put it down yeah?” Lip holds out a hand as if reaching for the offensive object to be passed over. 

 “You’re my kid” Fiona adds, words breaking even as she rushed through them “Ian, you’re _my_ kid. You remember when you’d come into my bed at night? You’d just know when I had a bad day and you’d come hold me. I always knew it wasn’t bad dreams, Knew you were there for me. I need you here again.” 

 Their words seem to be getting through, Ian seems to be listening as he distances the knife from his wrists, brimming eyes lost even as he stared at his siblings. 

 “I love you baby, please just drop the knife” Fiona pushes, trying to offer an encouraging smile as she waved for his hand to drop. 

 He looks at her for a moment, gaze switching back and forth between his sister and the blade before it shifts to Lip and finally to Mickey. Seeing the red-eyed Milkovich seems to make his progress falter though, his grip on the knife tightening again. 

 “No. No. Mickey” Ian whispers, his knuckles turning white as he holds on to the knife, one more neat cut drawn right below the first one. 

 “Don’t” Mickey chokes out, the word reminiscent of another hellish day. 

 “You won’t leave. You won’t be free if i’m still here” Ian says, staring at his own blood 

 “You need to be free Mickey, I need to free you” He’s mumbles the words once, then repeats it again, and again, and continues to repeat it. 

 He’s not listening to them anymore, eyes on his hand and the words ‘ _I need to free you_ ’ being repeated over and over, growing stronger along with his resolve.

 “Mickey is leaving” Lip suddenly calls out “Ian, he’s going. Mickey is leaving you alright? He’s going to find someone better and he’s going to be happy. It’s what he deserves right? To be happy?” 

 And just like that, Ian’s listening again. The press of metal against flesh has stopped and the redhead is staring at his brother again. 

 “He knows he’s free Ian. He knows he’s going to get a chance to be happy okay? He’ll go. You don’t have to do this now. He’s going” Lip insists, daring to take another step forward. 

 Ian backs into the wall but keeps his eyes on his brother, while Mickey and Fiona both stare helplessly at him.

 “Good. Good. I want him happy.” Ian confesses. 

 “Yeah, I know” Lip tries to smile. “If it will make you happy, I want him happy too” 

 “And you and Fi, I want you happy too” Ian continues. 

 “We will never be happy without you Ian. You hear me? Never.” The older Gallagher brother informs, Ian’s face falling at that. 

 “You’ll never be happy with me either” He argues. 

 “We will” Fiona assures “It won’t be easy but there will be some good Ian. We’ll find a way yeah? Together” 

 “No. No Fiona. There’s no more us. There’s - my head, you don’t understand. The voices in there, fuck you don’t - no Fiona” Ian’s voice is quickly raising, the panic he’s feeling quickly raising to the surface. 

 “Tell me.” Lip cuts in again “Tell me what’s going on Ian. Talk to me. You used to do that remember?” 

 Ian sniffs, his body beginning to tremble almost violently and he subconsciously presses the blade on the surface of his skin deeper. 

 “Hey, hey Ian, talk. Anything. Tell me anything. Come on man” Lip begs, inching forward again. “Tell me about Mickey” 

 The younger brother glances up at that, something in his expression clearing and the blade lifting off skin again. 

 “You never told me much. Part of it is my fault but I want to know Ian. What’s the best day you had with Mickey?” He asks, being sure to keep looking his brother in the eye. 

 “Dugouts” Ian answers in a heartbeat. 

 “Yeah? What happened?” Lip prods in his attempt to keep a conversation going. 

 “The usual things. Sex and weed and alcohol. Nothing special, but he was really happy that night Lip. I could tell he was.” Ian admits, the hand holding the blade dropping a bit in his distraction. 

 “I want to see him like that again Lip, I want to make him happy like that again... but I c-can’t. I’m - I’m broken” The words are so soft, it barely carries but Lip can feel fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

 “It’s okay, It’s okay Ian. You made him happy once. That’s what really counts alright? That you did that” He consoles. 

 “I want to be happy too” is Ian’s next broken confession “I wanted one day... one fucking day when he wasn’t straight and I wasn’t crazy. I just wanted one day”

 “I’m sorry.” Lip says, because he has nothing else to say to that “I’m so sorry. I wish I could - Fuck Ian, come here.” 

 The older boy opens his arms, holding them out as he cried for everything Ian was going through. For everything the little brother he was supposed to protect was struggling with on his own. 

 “I love him” Ian says, staring at Lip’s open arms but seeming afraid to move. 

 “I know buddy. I know” The other boy promises “But i’m here now. I’ll take care of everything okay? Just come here”

 This time, Ian surprisingly listens, simply stumbling forward into Lip’s arms and allowing his brother to catch him. 

 The blade finally clatters to the ground and Fiona drops with it, her legs giving out from under her. Blindly, she reaches out a hand to her left, fingers brushing against Mickey’s jeans, fisting in them and trying to get him down. 

 One gentle tug is all it takes before the Milkovich joins her on the floor, the older girl collapsing against his broader frame. He is shaking, she knows she is too, but all they can do is stay there and keep their eyes on the pair of brothers in front of them.  

 They’d survived this battle.

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at bipolar! Ian. What do you guys think?


End file.
